Controlled 2: Loving An Alpha Male Read online

  “Because I just do. She has been nothing but honest with me. And that other guy. First, he wasn’t my lawyer. He gave me advice, albeit very poor advice, but it was just advice. I could’ve easily ignored him and gone on with my life, but I didn’t. And yes, he did abandon me afterward and left me to the wolves. But this situation is different. Elese would never lead me to slaughter. She does have my back.”

  Darrius grunted and chided harshly, “Humph, and that’s why you’re being naïve. You ain’t learn a damn thing and you’re about to make another stupid mistake. You don’t know shit about this woman but what she has allowed you to see.”

  “Oh, be real, Darrius. The woman is a professional. You are giving her way too much credit. Hell, you’re not giving me enough credit. Look, this is a simple custody case, not a murder trial. This is all about filing motions and providing support for your cause. Everything is going to be fine.”

  “Oh yeah, and how do you know this?”

  “It doesn’t matter how I know, I just do.” Nyla paused to calm down, her earlier fears about Andrew forgotten. She took in a calming breath and then took the rest of her watered-down drink to the head.

  The abrupt silence that followed put Nyla slightly on edge. Darrius was very unpredictable. He had a temper on him, and Nyla had seen it firsthand. It hadn’t been toward her, but she’d felt for the woman that Darrius had ripped into with just his words. Darrius could be mean and heartless. Sometimes she questioned if the man even had a soul. On the other hand, he had always treated Nyla with respect and sweetness. Nyla didn’t think he would ever go hard like that on her, which was why she began to relax. That ended up being the worst thing she could have done.

  “Look, baby,” Darrius chimed in, finally breaking his silence. “I get that you want to believe this woman has you and baby girl’s back. But you can’t put all of your eggs in her basket. You have to realize that there is potential for backstabbing here. You can’t trust these devils, Nyla. They all stick together. You see, I prefer the ones that actually show their stripes. You know what they’re made of and their intentions are plain to see. It’s the closet racists that put me on edge.”

  Nyla surged up from her chair. “Oh, for crying out loud! Seriously, Darrius. Why does every white person have to be a racist? Why do you always have to take it there?”

  “Because, Nyla, that is reality. Look, you seem to love to live in a fantasy world where everyone lives in harmony and that racism doesn’t exist.”

  “No, I don’t,” Nyla cut in, but Darrius continued as if she hadn’t said a word.

  “You think Robert didn’t think of you as his slave? He only hooked up with you on his terms and in secret. You were his little hidden colored-girl, play thang. He didn’t care about you. He definitely didn’t want to be seen in public with you. Am I right?”

  Nyla didn’t respond. She knew where Darrius was going with this, but she just couldn’t get her lips to work to even deny the truth that was coming from Darrius’ hateful mouth.

  “And as I said, you haven’t learned from your mistakes. You are too damn trusting, Nyla.”

  Nyla rose from her chair, while Darrius was running off at the mouth, and moved to her galley kitchen for the bottle of vodka. She poured some into her glass and started for the refrigerator, but then thought better of it and took her glass to the head. A cough blanched from her tight throat as the harsh liquid slipped down coolly. She shook it off and poured herself another glass.

  Why did I answer the phone?

  Since she had said hello, Nyla had thought about hanging up on him or telling him that she had to go in order to avoid dealing with him. But that would’ve only resulted in him making a surprise visit to her apartment.

  This is insane. What did I do to deserve this?

  “Nyla, look,” said Darrius, cutting into her thoughts. “I know that I’m upsetting you, but I wouldn’t be the friend that I am if I didn’t tell you the truth.”

  “Yeah, well, although I appreciate your honesty,” Nyla said. “I really don’t need your opinions. It’s evident that you have your own ideas and your own point of view and that’s fine. I just don’t care too much for them. But, at the end of the day, it all boils down to my decision and I’ve made it. This is my life, Darrius. I really don’t need your input.”

  Nyla stretched out her arm with her hand balled into a tight fist. She then mimicked dropping a mic and smiled to herself. Take that, asshole!

  She started walking back to her chair, a little bit of confidence in her strut. She sat down and took another sip of her drink, hoping Darrius was done with his little tirade. Nyla didn’t need his unwanted two cents. She hadn’t asked for it and she didn’t appreciate it. There wasn’t anything slow about her. She did know what she was doing, despite the misgivings she had felt earlier. She really did trust Elese and Andrew for that matter. Darrius didn’t understand why and that was okay. He wasn’t supposed to. But what she wouldn’t do was let him berate her as if she was his child.

  “Look, Nyla, I know it’s your life, okay? But I’m sorry. If I see that you’re drowning, dammit, I’m going to do whatever I can to save you. You are making a complete fool of yourself again! This woman is not your friend. Do you get that? She has one purpose, one master and that’s the all mighty dollar. She doesn’t care about you. She doesn’t care about Se’Nya. All she cares about is making money and she will do anything to do that.”

  Nyla gripped the phone tight in her hand. She was trying her best to remain calm and reign in the anger that was starting to boil over. She was losing that battle.

  “Darrius!” she called out, raising her voice above his. He stopped talking. “Despite what you may think, I’m not stupid! I know what I’m doing. Elese knows what she’s doing and I do trust her. I don’t care that her ex happens to be Robert’s attorney. She hasn’t misrepresented me at all. She’s been nothing but forthcoming and honest and—”

  Darrius let out a sardonic laugh that pierced through Nyla like a knife.

  “You have got to be kidding me. You think that bitch is honest? Nyla, do you realize that she’s probably fucking her ex right now and laughing about how stupid you are? Better yet, she’s probably fucking that blonde guy that was with her at the diner; the one you were all over. What’s his name?” Nyla didn’t respond, but her chest was on fire, burning from the lack of oxygen flowing through her lungs. “Pierce… That’s his name, isn’t it? Yeah, Pierce. He’s playing the shit out of you. He’s making you think that he wants you, getting you to trust him. He has you right where he wants you, doesn’t he?”

  When Nyla didn’t reply, Darrius continued. “You think they’re working for you, but they’re not, Nyla. They’re not like us. That chick is probably working out a deal to take Se’Nya away from you as we speak. She’s feeding you this bullshit to make you comfortable. Then she’ll probably get you to sign some shit with fine print or hidden meaning and guess what. You’ll sign it because you trust her.

  And let’s not forget about this guy who you claim is feeling you. You know all he wants to do is fuck you, right? That’s it. He’s probably heard from Robert that you were an easy lay. There’s no need to take you out and spend money on you, for what? You are perfectly happy with being the dirty little secret. Let’s face it, Nyla. He passed you off.”

  Darrius chuckled, took a breath, and without hesitation, continued to metaphorically stab her in her heart with each syllable that left his mouth.

  “Let me ask you a question, since you can’t be honest with yourself. Do you really believe that Pierce just happened to come to the diner one day? And he just happened to fall head over heels the second he saw you? Please! I hope you’re smarter than that shit. But the way you’re acting, he got you hooked, line and sinker.”

  “Darrius, that’s enough,” Nyla said softly, finding it difficult to speak. “You’ve made your point.”

  However, Darrius again ignored her.

  “Okay, if you don’t believe me, answer
me this: Have you two spoken since the last time I saw you at the diner? Has he asked you out? Has he expressed to you how much he’s into you? I bet from your silence that he hadn’t and the shit I’m saying is finally getting through. Nyla, I’m not trying to be mean here, but you need to know –”

  Nyla moved the phone from her ear and sat it down on her thigh. She could still hear Darrius’ voice barking through her phone speakers, but thankfully, she couldn’t make out his words. She hadn’t told him that she and Andrew had already slept together. That would have been mental and emotional suicide. Oh, why me?!

  Nyla closed her eyes tight. She felt her body began to tremble, her chest felt as if an elephant had planted its big-ass right foot on top of her. She tried not to let the words that Darrius spewed manifest into more negativity. However, it was hard to ignore the things he’d said about Andrew, especially since she had been thinking about the same thing.

  She trusted Andrew, but so far, his actions were nonexistent. For instance, he had said that she was his, but if that were true, wouldn’t he have actually made a point to talk to her despite his busy schedule? Also, if he was so into her, how could he have gone this long without at least hearing her voice? And what about the emotional connection they had experienced?

  The things he had said to her and the things he had done that night told her that he had to have felt some type of connection. She could see just how out of control he had been in his eyes. Could he have faked that? She didn’t believe it. There was no mistaking the desire she saw in his eyes; it was drenched all over him.

  But, she had to come to reality and ask herself the tough questions. Was that all there was? Where was that desire for her now? How could she be going out of her mind for him and he not feel the same way?

  Nyla shook her head, the feeling of resolve settling in her heart. I’m done with this bullshit, she said to herself. Done with second-guessing, done with listening to Darrius, done with everything. Nyla brought the phone up to her ear to tell Darrius just how done she was when she felt the first crack of her heart.

  “He’s just not into you, Nyla.”

  Nyla sat up slightly in her chair. “What?”

  “You heard me. There’s no way a man like Pierce can be into you. There’s no way. I mean look at you. Yeah, you pretty and you have a nice body and all, but what else do you have? You work at a diner, Nyla. You had a kid out of wedlock. No way a man like Pierce is gonna bring you home to meet his parents. No way is he gonna take you to his ritzy cocktail shindigs and introduce you as his woman. And no fucking way is he going to wife you. Shit!” Darrius laughed. “You’d be dumber than a bag of rocks if you thought that he was actually going to marry you or even want to claim you like that. All you are is pussy. Plain and simple. That’s how men like Pierce and Downs think about women like you. If you’re not careful and smart, Pierce is going to treat you just like Downs; just like a dispensable piece of ass that—”

  Nyla hung up.

  She squeezed her phone tight in her trembling hand and closed her eyes. Even behind her eyelids, she felt the burning of tears pooling in her eyes. Did she honestly believe that Darrius was coming from a bad place or was intentionally hurting her? She didn’t know for certain, but it sure as hell felt like it.

  Nyla shakily placed her phone on the arm of her chair and leaned back in the recliner as far as she could go. She draped her arm over her eyes, hoping that it would prevent her tears from flooding her face.

  Her heart was aching. She couldn’t stop the shakes that seemed to be taking over her entire body. Despite the fact that she had told herself the very things Darrius had just said, it was still painful to hear. Am I that stupid? Here she was pining after a man she barely knew. Sure, they had connected in some way. She wasn’t denying that. But it didn’t feel like she had grown closer to him. He hadn’t revealed anything profound or very personal about himself that should make her feel special in some way.

  And the night they’d spent together, he didn’t even stay until morning. Well, technically, he did, but she didn’t expect him to leave before the sun came up. It only added to her trepidations and fears. She felt like a slut. She was everything Darrius had said she was and more. She didn’t even make it hard for Andrew. She had served her virtue to him on a platter. How could she expect him to now work for anything?

  “I have a choice to make,” she said aloud and then sat up in the chair and wiped her eyes.

  She couldn’t believe it had come to this. All that time she had spent dreaming about this man, wanting him, and crushing on him. But, maybe that was all this was; a crush or a fantasy. She was stuck in a fairytale of her own making. It was very possible that Andrew wasn’t the man for her and what she saw in him was just an illusion. Perhaps he wasn’t capable of anything else but bluster and had no idea how to back it up. Also, it was very well possible that whatever she felt for him was predicated by her own need to feel whole again.

  Yes, it was definitely time for things to change. That was clear. The best thing she could do was to put away the desires of her heart and channel all of her energy on this thing between her and Robert. Se’Nya needed to be her first and only priority. So, first thing in the morning, she would call Elese and try to get on some type of payment arrangement. No more relying on a man who clearly had an agenda that didn’t coincide with hers. If she couldn’t come to a compromise with Elese, she would have to resort to plan B. Exactly what that plan was, she didn’t know.

  But, I’ll think of something, she coached herself. Whatever happens, I’ll be doing it without the help of Andrew Pierce.

  Nyla smiled at herself as she thought about taking matters into her own hands and having control of her own destiny. But that feeling was short lived the moment she realized that she may never see Andrew again. In a flash, she went from patting herself on her back to feeling sick to her stomach.

  What the hell?!

  Here she was only thinking about not seeing Andrew again and this overwhelming sadness seemed to rob her of breathing. Her chest felt tight. Her heart felt as if someone had it tight in their grip and was squeezing it, waiting for it to explode. Nyla brought her hand to her chest and began a rubbing motion, hoping like hell that it would ease the pain. Instead, the ache only deepened. This sadness was freaking maddening. The sound of her erratic thumping heart was deafening in her ears.

  She frowned her face incredulously.

  No way could she be reacting this way to the mere idea of not seeing Andrew again. It had to be something else. She knew it was fear that she was feeling. Admittedly, she was afraid of something. Now, all she had to do was figure out a logical reason for the fear that was making her stomach queasy and filling her heart with sadness and despair. Nyla thought long and hard, searching deep in her soul for the reason why she felt so lost and empty. Regrettably, the only reason she came up with was Andrew.

  Nyla shook her head in defiance. No, I will not let this man have power over me. I will not let any man have power over me again. I’m strong. I have to be for my daughter’s sake. I can do this! I don’t need anyone but me. She pushed the leg extension of her recliner back into its place. Now, all I have to do is tell Andrew.

  Just as she was about to head to the kitchen, this time for a celebratory drink instead of another self-pity one, her phone started to buzz. Nyla looked down at the screen to see who it was and froze. At the sight of the caller’s name, her hand snapped back from the ringing phone as if she had touched something hot. Her hand swiftly covered her mouth as her eyes grew wide, the shakes returning in full force.

  Shit, it’s him. Should I answer it? Yes, of course, idiot!

  She blew out a hard breath and removed her hand from her mouth. She started reaching for the buzzing device but then froze again.

  “Wait. When I answer it, what will I say?” she asked into the disturbed darkness. It doesn’t matter, she responded to herself. This is your chance to tell him that you don’t want to see him again. She then reminded h
erself, this is what you want.

  Nyla took another much-needed breath, picked up her phone, and swiped the screen to answer the call.

  “Hello,” she breathed out hurriedly.

  There was no answer on the other end.

  She cursed and was about to redial his number when she heard a hesitant, “Hello?!”

  She froze. She removed the phone from her ear and stared at the screen. It still showed an active call.

  “Hello,” repeated the voice and she quickly brought the phone back to her ear.

  “Andrew?”

  There was a pause before she heard him reply warmly, “Hey, beautiful.”

  A rush of warmth spread across her chest, and she felt herself begin to melt from the sound of his voice. However, she shook off that feeling and swallowed the excitement she felt.

  “I didn’t think you remembered my number,” Nyla responded, a bit harsher than she had planned. Silence greeted her sarcasm and she thought that he might have hung up this time.

  Finally, she heard him sigh. “I deserve that. I’m sorry about not returning your calls sooner. I’ve been swamped at work and traveling has been a bitch. And not to make excuses for my actions or lack thereof, but it’s been a long time since I’ve had someone to care about in my life. Or someone who cared enough about me to call me. But again, that’s no excuse. I hope you will let me make it up to you. Have dinner with me tonight.”

  “Dinner? Are you kidding? It’s like ten o’clock. Restaurants aren’t open this late or they’re about to close.”

  “You’re right. Okay, what about fast food? There’s a Chinese place I know that’s still open. I can pick up some take out. You can let me know what you feel like eating and I’ll order it and pick it up.” Andrew’s voice then lowered. “I could then swing by your place. We can have a little wine, listen to some jazz, lounge around and uh… you know, talk.” Andrew’s voice turned suggestive when he said the last part and it made her cringe.

  “Talk, huh?” she asked dryly.

  “Sure. Why not? I’m sure we can find lots of things to talk about,” Andrew retorted jokingly, and even though Nyla heard the humor in his voice, it still made her feel like crap. Nyla closed her eyes and tried not to give life to Darrius’ words in her head, but it was hard not to. The painful conversation with Darrius had left a lot of open wounds, and all Andrew was doing, unintentionally that is, was pouring salt into them.